The World Spins Madly On

48 Hours.

That's how long before I'll be on my way to Toronto, getting on a plane, and heading for recovery.

There I go, watching the clock again.

I have so much to do before I go. The idea of being away for a month is intimidating. I can't say I'm going to resist being forced to unplug when I get there. It's been over a decade since I've spent a day actually living instead of working, scrolling, typing, swiping – and, of course, drinking. 

"The whole world is moving and I'm standing still"

I don't even know if I'll remember how to take care of myself. Not to be confused with being focused on myself. Self interested and self indulgent. But, for a change, self care.

I'm looking forward to that moment when I realize that life is going on just perfectly well without me in it back home.

That the world will keep spinning madly on whether I am lost or whether I am found.

"I just got lost and slept right through the dawn" – The Weepies

I've been having a tough time turning my brain off this week. More so than usual. When I committed to going to recovery, I literally cried for 2 days straight.

Like I just found out my best friend was dying. 

And over the last few days, I've come to realize it's quite the opposite.

It's as though they found a cure for my dying friend. That they're going to be okay, after all.

The only reason I should be crying is with gratitude for this opportunity.

The opportunity to let it all go.


Sober, alcohol free recovery blogger.

Photographer. Writer. Ex-Blackout Artist.

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